


goodbye is the hardest word

by loading_username



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner Needs a Hug, Angst, Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s06e02 JJ, Family, Friendship, Gen, Goodbyes, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau Needs a Hug, Male-Female Friendship, Revised Version, Sad, Season/Series 06, Team as Family, The Team Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loading_username/pseuds/loading_username
Summary: When JJ is forced to leave the BAU, she has to leave more than a job behind. She has to leave a family.Herfamily.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & The BAU Team
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	goodbye is the hardest word

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in 2010 elsewhere. Posted here now mostly for archiving purposes.
> 
> Thanks to [nebula2](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/120401/nebula2) for the initial beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

_"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Theodor Seuss Geisel._

It was real now. JJ truly was leaving the team.

Of course, Hotch already knew she would leave --everyone in the team knew it-- but it had been easier to pretend he could still find a way to keep her here where she belonged. That, somehow, he would be able to find the right person to call to stop this madness.

The team remained in Quantico for the rest of the week, busy working on reports and consults while JJ packed her things and did her best to wrap up as much as she could in the little time she was given. He heard from Garcia that she even called Jordan Todd to ask her to come back to the BAU, at least temporarily. It didn't work.

Today marked JJ's last official day as Media Liaison for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. Her last day in this building where she had spent nearly seven years of her life and Hotch couldn't keep pretending any longer.

Garcia had taken it upon herself to organize a small goodbye party for JJ today, filling the bullpen with almost every agent and employee in the building coming to say goodbye. Even Strauss showed up for a few minutes. No matter how much animosity existed between them, the Unit Chief knew he couldn't blame her for what was happening this time. Strauss' hands had been tied just like his.

Hotch was there too, of course, but he chose to go back to his office as soon as he saw Anderson and Gina start with the goodbye hugs, quickly followed by everyone else.

He tried to busy himself with paperwork but found his gaze drawn to the large window that faced the bullpen. He saw his team together. Somehow, watching them happy hurt more than if they were crying. Because seeing them together like that, talking and laughing reminded him there wouldn't be moments like these anymore.

No more times when JJ intervened between Morgan and Reid when she thought the teasing had gone too far. No more brief talks in his office every morning, or nights reviewing potential cases together. Sometimes it was JJ who needed a second opinion when picking cases for the team, and other times it was Hotch who needed to hear her opinion. She may not be a profiler- by her own choice, but JJ was as good as any of them and Hotch knew it.

"It's hard to see someone you care about leave, isn't it?" Dave said from where he was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest.

The words brought Hotch out of his thoughts. "It is. Especially when you know that person has no desire to leave."

Dave conceded the point with a tip of his head but didn't speak. He met Hotch's eyes. Years of knowing the other man told him Hotch had something else to say. He just had to wait.

Hotch forced his jaw to relax, reminding himself Dave wasn't someone he had to fight over this.

"This is a great opportunity for her and there's no doubt in my mind that she deserves recognition for all her hard work."

"She does," Dave agreed.

"That day, after Strauss left, I told JJ the same thing. I asked if she was sure of her decision not to accept the offer." Hotch curled into a fist the hand resting on the desk. "She looked me straight in the eye and told me she was where she belonged."

Neither man said anything for a moment.

"That was the only thing I needed to hear. I contacted every single person I thought could do something, I called in every favor I had, but none of it matter. In the end, I have to let her go."

"You're not letting her go," Dave corrected as he walked further into the office. "You're being forced to let them take her away, there's a difference."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does." Dave planed the palms of his hands on Hotch's desk, leaning forward. "Hotch. You and I both know there was nothing, absolutely nothing you or any of us could have done to change this. We had no power to stop this."

"I know," Hotch said quietly.

Dave sat down on one of the visitor chairs with a sigh.

"What are we going to do without her, Dave? She isn't only the team's Media Liaison. She is like the heart of this team." Hotch pressed his lips together. "Sometimes when we focus so much on the chase and the only thing we can think of is catching the unsub, she's always there to remind each of us what the most important is: The victims and their families.

"We need her. We need her here with us, where she belongs."

"We need her," Dave agreed with a nod. "And she needs to be here too. That's why we're going to fight to get her back. All of us."

Hotch nodded curtly, before turning his attention back to the window.

"You have two options right now. You can stay here in your office blaming yourself for being unable to stop something you had no way to stop, or you can come out with the rest of the team and give JJ the farewell she deserves."

Hotch continued looking through the window, listening to Dave's words absently. JJ must have felt his gaze because she was meeting his eyes a moment later, tears on her face but a small and honest smile curving her lips. He offered her a fleeting twitch of his lips, before turning back to his friend.

"Where are we going?" Hotch asked as he got to his feet, not missing the pleased look on Dave's face.

They joined the rest of the team in the bullpen, leaving the building together for the last time. A bittersweet feeling filled him as he heard Morgan and Prentiss tease Reid on his alcohol statistics while JJ and Garcia came to the genius' rescue.

It was time.

* * *

The team went to a quiet little bar they had visited a few times before, located fifteen minutes away from Quantico.

The ambient had been solemn when they first arrived, all of them aware of what this little outing truly meant. JJ was the first to pretend this was a night like any other, and little by little the rest of the team had relaxed enough to have a good time.

This was the way she wanted to close this chapter of her life. With her family laughing and enjoying time together. The tears and sadness could wait until later.

JJ felt like she had spent her last days in the BAU reassuring the rest of the team and telling them things were going to work out just fine. Well, almost everyone. She hadn't spoken to Hotch since the night he told her he had to leave the team. Aside from short hellos and goodbyes, they had only spoken about work and the things he would have to take care of once she left.

She had done her best to assure them she was just leaving work, no friends and family, but deep down she knew it wasn't as simple as that.

The team's job was highly unpredictable, so it would be almost impossible to make plans or have the chance to spend much time together. JJ knew better than anyone how little free time they had and she couldn't expect them to be ready to see her when they could be resting or spending time with their families, like Hotch with Jack. And, on top of that, JJ was sure she would be quite busy herself with this new job.

And it wouldn't be the same, meeting with a few of them for a couple of hours to chat- not after years spending entire days with them. Besides, most of the best moments the team had ever shared happened during cases. Sharing hotel rooms, eating out together, or the long trips back home on the jet.

JJ barely stopped from tearing up as the thoughts crossed her mind along with fleeting memories of such moments. She took a sip from her beer, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. This wasn't the time nor the place for this, especially with the team here. She looked to the dance floor, looking for a distraction.

She found it in the form of Penelope and Derek dancing together in the center of the floor. Pen whispered something in his ear and they both laughed a second later, bodies close as they dance to the rhythm of the music. They had been dancing together for at least three songs now, and JJ couldn't stop from smiling when she noticed the expressions on the faces of a few women around as they watched Derek. They seemed ready to take Pen's head off.

She chuckled softly, shifting her gaze after a moment back to the table where she was sitting with the rest of the team.

To her left were Emily and Spence. He was talking about something, gesticulating wildly with his hands while Emily watched him, clearly interested if a little amused and horrified as well. JJ shook her head with a fond smile. If someone --normally Morgan-- didn't tell him to stop talking, Spence could just go on and on. At her other side were Hotch and Dave. She caught just a little bit of the conversation, realizing the older agent was talking about a tall, gorgeous brunette now dancing. The woman had come to flirt with Dave shortly after they arrived, practically throwing herself at him. And now, the brunette was pretty much making out with another man on the dance floor. Dave was laughing as he shook his head while Hotch had a mildly amused expression on his face.

God. She was going to miss this so much.

"JJ. Is everything okay?" Dave's question brought her out of her thoughts. She could tell he had tried to be discreet as to not attract the other's attention, but that was uselessly in a table filled with profilers. Hotch was looking at her with a small frown on his face and Emily and Spence had paused their conversation to look at her as well.

"Everything is fine," She told them with a small smile. "It's just that it's getting late and I should leave soon."

"Oh, come on JJ. It's just past midnight," Emily protested immediately.

"I know, but Will is going to be out of town this weekend so I will be taking care of Henry by myself and I need all the rest I can get," JJ replied. It was true, but not the real reason why she wanted to leave.

"I can't believe you're ditching us," Emily complained.

"I'm sorry," She said with a rueful smile. "I had a great time, really, but I really need to go soon."

"Are you sure you can't stay a little longer?" Spencer asked hesitantly.

JJ wanted to say yes. She truly did, but doing that wouldn't change the fact she was going to have to leave eventually. And, as much as JJ loved being with the team, she needed to stop pretending everything was okay and she couldn't do that while they were around.

"I could, but I think it will be best if I go home and get some rest," She told him gently. "But you should come over tomorrow. Henry will be happy to see his favorite Godfather."

The invitation was enough to put a small, fleeting smile on his face and helped her relax as well. Now, to convince the other three.

"Are you sure you should be driving?" Dave asked just as she reached for her purse.

"What?" JJ blinked at him. "I'm fine. I only had two beers."

"Actually, you drank four. The first was when Morgan and Prentiss..." Spencer stopped talking when he noticed the look JJ was giving him.

"All right. I had three and a half," JJ responded, sending a warning glance in Reid's direction.

"I can take you home," Hotch offered from his place next to Dave.

"No! That's not necessary. Really, Hotch." She turned to the others with an eye roll. "I'll even call a cab, so you guys are happy."

"It's fine. I was going to leave soon anyway. I need to pick Jack up from Jessica's early tomorrow." Hotch assured her, already getting up from his stool.

"But my-"

"Don't worry," Emily assured her with a smile. "We'll make sure you get your car back tomorrow."

She looked from Hotch to the rest of the team for a moment longer before sighing in defeat. "Alright. Thanks, Hotch."

The man merely nodded in response.

JJ said goodbye to Emily, Spencer, and Dave with hugs that were slightly tighter and longer than usual, barely keeping the tears at bay. She heard Hotch offer a good night to everyone as she left the table, taking a detour to the dance floor where Penelope and Derek were still dancing.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" The perky blonde asked as soon she saw her.

"Everything is fine, Pen, but I'm going home now," She replied, giving her best friend a watery smile.

"What? You can't leave already, girl. We came to have fun together," Morgan protested before Garcia could say anything.

"I know and I did have fun, but I'm a little tired." And it was the truth. She was tired, even if it was mentally rather than physically.

"Okay, honey. You're tired, so I'll go with you," Penelope announced, taking JJ by the arm and turning in the direction of the table where the rest of the team was to pick up her purse.

"That's okay Pen, Hotch is going to take me home," JJ responded, pointing to where Hotch was waiting for her at the edge of the dancefloor.

"Alright, then. I'll call you tomorrow," She said before hugging her tightly.

JJ had to force herself to let go of the other woman, keeping a smile on her face even as she wiped the tears from her face, watching Penelope take off her glasses to do the same.

"Take care of yourself, you hear?" Morgan told her as he reached to hug her as well.

"You too, and make sure Pen keeps having fun tonight, okay?" JJ asked, hugging him back.

He only laughed. "You bet I will."

With one last look at Pen and Derek standing together and then to the rest of the team at their table, JJ and Hotch walked together toward the exit. She couldn't help but smile when Hotch opened the door for her like the gentleman he was.

She welcomed the cold air that hit her face as soon as she stepped outside.

* * *

Aside from a short but pleasant conversation about Jack and Henry and their antics, most of the drive was silent. Hotch was frowning as he focused on the road while JJ looked out the window at the dark streets as they drove by.

It took them maybe thirty minutes to reach her house, thanks to the lack of traffic due to the late hour.

Hotch was out of the car before JJ could say anything, walking around to open the door for her.

"Thanks," JJ said with a gentle smile. "You don't have to do that, you know."

"I know," Hotch agreed, taking the go bag she took from her car before offering her his hand to help her climb out of the car.

That was just Hotch being Hotch, so JJ accepted the help with another murmured 'thank you' instead of insisting she wasn't even a little tipsy. Which she wasn't. She also didn't feel particularly surprised when Hotch refused to hand over her bag and walked with her instead.

It took her only a few seconds to fish her keys from her purse and open the front door. JJ turned back to Hotch with a smile. "Thank you for bringing me home."

Hotch shook his head. "You don't have to thank me."

"Alright. Good night."

"Good night," Hotch replied softly.

JJ stood in the doorway, only one foot inside before turning back to the man that was no longer her boss as he walked away.

"This isn't goodbye," She called, watching as Hotch paused in his stride. "I may be leaving this job and the BAU, but that doesn't mean I'm going to leave you or the rest of the team behind. I can't. You guys are like family and leaving isn't going to change that."

Hotch didn't say anything in reply, but he didn't have to. JJ knew he was taking this as hard as the rest of them, even if he had done his best to remain stoic the last few days. Just Hoth being Hotch again.

"You know how much Henry loves playing with Jack, so we'll have to arrange plenty of playdates for them," JJ reminded him as she walked toward him. "And we're going to make sure to stay in touch, all of us, and met up as much as we can. There are also phones and emails, you know? No matter if you guys are on the other side of the country, you can call me to chat sometimes."

"Even to complain about how bad Dave is with the press?" Hotch asked with a raised eyebrow and a soft glint in his eyes.

"Well, maybe not that. But everything else is alright."

JJ felt a pang in her chest as she watched the corner of Hotch's lips twitch softly. She would miss this. Miss the moments when Hotch put aside his stoic facade and acted as a friend instead of a boss, even while they were at work. Hotch tried to let that side show from time to time with the whole team, but aside from Dave (and Gideon while he was still around), JJ felt that maybe he was a bit more comfortable letting her see it.

She brushed the thought aside as she sat down in the front steps and invited him to sit at her side with a wave.

"I have no doubt you will do your best keep in touch, and needless to say, everyone in the team is going to do the same, but I know you will be fairly busy with your new job, and you know better than anyone else what working in the BAU is like. It won't be easy."

"Nothing truly worth ever is, right?" She asked with a forced smile. Hotch's words were an echo of her own worries and fears, but she wasn't going to let him see that. "But we don't really have a choice because there's no way I'm letting you all go that easily. Besides, we both know Pen wouldn't let me lose touch, even if I wanted."

The silence that followed was heavy, both aware this would be the last time they saw each other for what might be a long time.

Hotch took a deep breath before speaking. "I should wish you good luck right now, but I know you don't need it. You're going to do great, just like you always did at the BAU."

"Thank you," JJ replied. She ducked her head, trying to hide the blush that appeared on her cheeks. Once she thought it was gone she looked back at Hotch. "You told me you weren't going to look for a replacement. I just- I want you to know you don't need to do that. You shouldn't be forced to take my workload on top of yours. You have enough work as it is," She added with a pointed look. JJ sighed. "I just wish I had the time to train someone."

"The team doesn't need a replacement. We need you," Hotch responded with conviction. "Besides, I plan to keep my promise."

She frowned. "What promise?"

"I promised you I would fight to get you back, and I'm going to do it." Hotch met JJ's eyes as he spoke. "This job is yours and yours only, and I'm not going to rest until you're with us again. Back where you belong."

JJ opened and closed her mouth several times, but the words just wouldn't come out as tears overflow her eyes before rolling down her cheeks. A moment later, her arms were wrapped tightly around Hotch's neck, surprising both of them as she allowed herself to cry openly in front of him for the first time since this whole mess started.

Hotch didn't react at first, his body stiff and expression frozen. It didn't take him long to move his arms to hug her back, listening to her soft sobs and murmured 'thank yous' as he did his best to comfort her. He knew in that second that he wouldn't stop. That he would do everything he could to get her back.

JJ wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but she was a little calmer when she finally pulled back. She wiped her eyes quickly and offered him a murmured apology.

Hotch shook his head, rubbing her arm comfortingly. "It's okay. You don't have anything to apologize for."

JJ knew it would be almost impossible for Hotch to fulfill his promise, but that he cared enough to try was the only thing that mattered to her.

She nodded with a small but honest smile on her face. "Thank you. For everything."

"You're welcome," Hotch replied, smiling back.

JJ made no attempt to go inside, and Hotch stayed right by her side, neither ready to say goodbye yet.

They could borrow a few more minutes.

_"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." - Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan. F._


End file.
